Saturday, December 15, 2012
Who You Gonna Trust?
Once upon a time I had no reason NOT to trust people. Unfortunately, life as a target diminished my trust over time. Now I'm inclined to doubt the benefit rather than give the benefit of doubt.
It's not about reciprocity or the lack of it; more so, I'm afraid of what will come my way as a result of extending trust.
"Trust" is an action. I can't give i
"t and not feel it, even if my guard is still up. Thus far, what I receive in return is not good for me; in fact, it's tailor-made to hurt me.
Who am I going to call for help? The perps? The police?
If I call whichever perp is assigned to me in the moment I may need to call the police because the help I receive gives them an opportunity to do me wrong.
If I call the police, I'm branded a cop-caller, rat, narc, etc. by the perps. The police will come take a report, but will view my interaction as "guilt by association".
My choice of people to befriend was determined at the onset. Real people were/are run off by the stalkers. I'm not allowed lovers or friends who can't be bought or compromised, who are not part of the network.
I DON'T WANT THEM.
I even joined the Mormon church to be among straight-laced, honest, God-loving people and possibly get some help. NOT!
A TARGET HAS TO DO WHAT A TARGET HAS TO DO.
Stalkers CAN be "bought" - or "had". The police have their rats; I have mine. I've yet to be asked out on a date by one of the cops (though rumor has it quite a few think I'm "ALL THAT" and more).
The only one helping me is ME. This doesn't "compromise" or "discredit" my validity as a target (say what!?); it means I'm a moving target instead of a dead one.
But, I don't want to play Cops and Robbers. I'm tired of being my own PI, skip-tracing yokels for free. I HAD much better things to do, once upon a time, when I had no reason NOT to trust.