Thursday, September 18, 2014


"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~

Altruism vs. Selfishness... now there's a dichotomous choice!
     We all teeter between the two or go from one extreme to the other, albeit some of us moreso than others.
     A Child of the 60's, I was the quintessential hippie, with a bell around my neck and flowers in my hair.
     Altruism was and IS second nature to most of us born in the early 1950s. That's why I spare and share what I have and do what I can for someone in want or need.
     Too bad I have a lot less than I used to and no longer trust anyone to do for, let alone to do for me, because of this on-going hate crime, called Organized Gang-Stalking.
     But... "no man is an island", not even here in Billy the Kid country, where folks act like they don't need anything, then take what they need, PLUS, when you're not looking.
     I'm not too high and mighty or badass to say that I need help when I need it.
     I NEED it!
     The local perps finanally suceeded in dismantling every aspect of my life, because unfortunately for me (and whoever else they may seek out or encounter), gang-stalkers are not branded with the letter "X" or the numbers "666" across the forehead.
     Some honed their skills to become what they are and others are simply products of their environment; either way, they all run a pretty smooth confidence game, whereas...
     I didn't...
     I'm not...
     I don't.
     I didn't go to school with them nor was I handed a rap sheet and a resumé when first we met. I am lucky to get a real first name out of some of these people, let alone a surname.
     I imagine, based on the slander that preceded my permanant relocation to this place, the police, et al, assumed I knew with whom I was dealing. They disregarded the fact that I am not from here and failed to notice that I don't hang out with these miscreants for longer than it takes to get them gone or scam people.
     Way back when, some cops and a few perps did give me fair warning that proved to be a harbinger of what did come to pass, but I couldn't comprehend or hear it, so didn't heed it.
     This was not recalcitrance on my part; rather, I was alone, greener than green, flanked, overwhelmed, confused and scared...
     I was a gang-stalking victim and didn't know it.
     Who to trust?
     What was happening to me was crazy and what I was told about what was happening to me sounded even crazier.
     I'm no longer green, but I AM in dire straights.
I am not above falling prey to the perps again - this time out of desperation.
     I am a 61 year old, single woman who is without natural gas since September 2013 and without water since November 2013.
     Perhaps the utility companies, utility repair companies, supply and hardware stores, human services, churches, and so on down the line, are ALL perped.
     The Ruidoso Chapter of the extended Gang-Stalking Network seems to have a finger in every pie - and not a one among them seems to have an altruistic bone in their body.
     The perps DO care very much whether or not I live: I'm alive - and they don't like it one bit.
     Case in point: Last Saturday, I ran into a guy I met over a year ago through a mutual friend who is not a perp. He asked how I was doing and I told him of my plumbing problems.
     He came by my house that day to check things out, said he would repair the water and gas lines, and
would do the work on the coming Monday.  (Really. Hmmm...)
     Then, Monday changed to Friday morning.  (That's more like it.)
     Early in the week, he came by to take the parts he said were broken with him in order to purchase the correct new parts.
     Later in the week, he came by to loan me $40 because he is a "man of his word".
     Say WHAT?
     I didn't ASK him to loan me $40.
     Friday morning, he was a no-show.
     He hit on me every time he came by. I refused to sleep with him. He didn't show up because I wouldn't put out.
     When I texted him my opinion of his untoward behavior, he remained silent.      Finally, he called to say he was short of money and at home installing sprinklers to water the trees.
     Then, he sent me this text:
     "Hay just got out of the shower just relaxing cant get it that good"
     Passive-aggression RULES.
     He touted himself as being different from "all the other guys" I've
encountered who staked an altruistic claim that resolved in either the staunch refusal to help me, a decree that they only worked for pay and/or other numerous unfulfilled promises.
     I did INDEED pay one of these Stand-Up-Men-of-Their-Word.
      THAT one took the money and told me to "go fuck myself".
     I'd be better off taking a three-hour drive to Albuquerque, NM, to pick up a homeless man brandishing a sign bears the legend: "WILL WORK FOR SEX". A guy that's straight-up from the git-go perhaps would honor an agreement made and not pressure me for more.
     I've come to the conclusion that altruism is NOT an intrinsic part of human nature. It's an out-of-character impediment to the dark selfishness that blights the human condition.
     Consider: The Mescalero Apache say, "Tú béhé jindá 'i" ("Water is life").
     ALL living creatures on planet Earth need water to survive. What my gang-stalkers are telling me by taking away my water andy not allowing anyone to fix the pipes is "DIE."
     I am out-numbered by perps on the homefront an estimated 200 to 1. If someone is NOT a perp at first, I can rest, assured s/he will become one given a week or two. Hell...people around here can't sustain "nice" for more than 24 hours!
     I may as well leave the water lines broken. Winter is almost here.
     I'm cold NOW.
     My neighbor will no doubt zap my water pipes with his remote, hand-held EMF device at first frost and the pipes will come apart easily because whoever fixes them won't bother to solder them together.
     Anyway, it will be TOO cold to fix them once the temperature falls into the single digits and I'll be too exhausted from gathering the 20 cords of wood necessary to stay alive for yet another winter to care.
     So much for altruism on THEIR part.
     No matter.
     I DO NOT WANT HELP - or ANYTHING else - from ANYONE who has a black heart, a hidden agenda, a possessed soul and/or an ulterior motive.
     I will fend for myself, thank you very much - and hold fast my altruism - even if being creative with it continues to elude me.
     It sure beats the destructive darkness I've come across thus far - ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, ONLINE AND OFF - for the 7.10 years I've been a hate crime victim.

No comments: